


The ties that bind

by junebbx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pining, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, all the young dudes- fandom, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29540109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junebbx/pseuds/junebbx
Summary: Takes place during the marauder's 5th year at Hogwarts so 1975. As Remus and Sirius realize their feelings for each other. Remus' pov- canon-compliant. Wolfstar slow burn so be patient.I DO NOT support JKR and her views, so don't be bringing that up in the comments
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 21





	1. Prologue- Reflections

_ To kiss in cars and downtown bars _

_ Was all we needed _

_ You drew stars around my scars _

_ But now I'm bleedin' _

The hallways of Hogwarts were quiet and calm as the chilly late fall air drifted through the open windows. One might find these torch-lit corridors eerie at night, but Remus found it relaxing like he was the only person in the world. Wandering the lengths of the castle. Away from the noisy common room, students stressing in the library about upcoming exams, and the clinking of silver wear against plates in the Great Hall. The only sound was the clicking of his converse on the stone floor. He told the rest of the marauders that he was making additions to the map, which was true. But, he also needed some time alone as much as he loved the marauders. They could be a bit intense, and Remus liked to walk around. 

Suddenly Remus stopped, he was in a part of the castle that didn’t look familiar. He looked down at the map. The little flag that read ‘Remus Lupin’ seemed to be in an empty corridor. He walked up to the first door in this hallway and pulled open the door. Inside the room was completely empty except for one large elegant golden mirror with Remus reflected in it. He stepped closer for further inspection and gasped. Now standing directly in front of the mirror he saw his reflection clearer. It was Remus, that much was certain. From the curly mousy brown hair on his head, the long gangly limbs, even to the scuffs on his trainers. But this boy could not be Remus. For the boy looking back at him was different.  _ Perfect.  _ The long scar that stretched from the inner corner of one eye, up over the bridge of his nose diagonally down towards the center of his opposite cheek was gone. Instead was soft pale skin. He hastily touched his hand on his face feeling the indention the scar had left, but still not  _ seeing  _ it. Curiosity took over and Remus rolled up his sleeves. Looking down he saw scars that criss crossed all the way up his arm. Looking up he saw unblemished forearms. He had to know. Ever so gently Remus lifted the bottom of his T-shirt. Just like the others gone as if someone had erased them. He touched his hand to his right hip where the worst of all his scars lay. The bite he had since he was five no longer there. Like it had never happened he was a normal person, like any other student at Hogwarts. Like Peter, or James, or Sirius… 

well, Remus thought Sirius isn’t what Remus would call normal, nobody could be like Sirius Black. He felt tears pop up in his eyes and he let them fall. Nobody would be here to see them except himself, both of them. Remus sat down on the floor. The room was drafty and cold, and it must be past curfew by now. But none of those things mattered. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the mirror and the boy in the reflection still not believing it could be him. His entire life had felt like a constant cycle, his every move dependent on the ever-changing phases of the moon. Told to  _ stay inside _ and  _ be a good boy. _ But always the same. He couldn’t remember a time before werewolves and broken bones, and  _ scars _ . And the tears kept falling and falling and Remus didn’t know how long he sat there. But eventually, he looked up at the golden arch of the mirror ‘Erised’ E _ rised. Erised? What the hell does that mean? He _ looked back in the mirror at the backward reflection of himself and there was his answer.  _ Desire.  _ That's all this was a reflection. A backward perception of who he wanted to be but never could be. And how badly he wanted it, how badly he wanted to reach through the glass and be that boy. But, knowing he couldn’t. Knowing that scars are permanent. Now he wished he'd never found the mirror at all. It's worse to know what could be, to know what he wanted the most could never be reached. He was stuck a broken boy forever and ever until he turned to ash. 

Remus pulled the map out of his back pocket and hastily scribbled the room and simply wrote the word ‘desire’ as the label. He got up and with one last look at the mirror exited and slammed the door behind him.

It was definitely past curfew but Remus was far too distracted to worry about getting detention right now. A funny feeling settled in his chest as soon as he left, he immediately wanted to go back to the small room and sit in front of the mirror and just look. He stopped and turned to look at his reflection in the window. After looking in the mirror of Erised for so long the scared face looked strange and ugly. He wanted to cover his face and hide from the world. How had he gone all this time pretending to be normal when so obviously he’s not. He wanted to smash the window smash that stupid mirror. But instead, he headed up the stairs out of the dungeons. The clicking of his converse on the stone floor no longer calming. Hogwarts life while amazing was very different from his old life. At home just him and mum. His father had died not too long after Remus was bitten. Mum said he died of natural causes if you call natural causes topping yourself. But Remus never brought it up, it upset mum. So six years of his life the only people he ever saw were his mother, Dr. Hyland the healer who tended to Remus after moons, and church on Sundays. Remus hated going to church. He could feel all their eyes on his scars and they looked his mother up and down as if she were a particularly large spider in their bedroom. That made him want to beat the living daylights out of them. But of course, he didn't do that. They'd have to move again.

He clambered into the common room to find it empty. So he climbed the steps to the boys’ dormitory and was immediately bombarded by the three other boys. 

“Where have you been, it's far past curfew!” James Potter said hands on hips.

“I got lost.” The lie came easily to Remus after years of practice.

“How did you get lost? You have a map!” Peter said gesturing to the folded paper in Remus’ hand.

“Sod off Peter,” Sirius said whacking Peter playfully on the back of the head, “Where Moony was is his business.” 

Remus was grateful for Sirius on many occasions. He was just perfect in every possible way.  _ What would he even see in the mirror or Erised?  _

“Thanks, Sirius, I’m knackered anyways. I’ll just go to bed.” Remus said making his way over to his own trunk as the rest of the boys who were already in their pajamas went to their respected four-posters. 

Once in bed, Remus did not sleep although he felt exhausted. He simply lay there looking at the ceiling, his bed-curtains drawn. Then suddenly Remus heard the sound of one of the boys getting up from their beds. He heard the padding of feet over to his four-poster.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered from behind the curtain, “Hey, I know you're not asleep.” 

Remus sat up and maybe a bit more violently than he meant to, ripped the curtains open and Sirius crawled inside.

“ _ Sonoro Quiescis, _ ” Sirius muttered the silencing spell, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Remus said, not looking up at him.

“You’re Moony, somethings always wrong.” He smiled.  _ God, why did he have to be so perfect?  _ Everything about him. He looked at his scarred knuckles. Then back at Sirius’ untouched face. 

“Do you think I’m ugly?” Remus whispered timidly.

“What? No!” Sirius looked at him with a mixture of shocked confusion, “Why? Shit, did I say something to make you think I do because If I did I’m sorry-”

“No-” Remus cut him off, “I just. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel that way. Like people are scared of me because of how I look.” Hot tears formed in his eyes, he looked down as he saw the bedspread blur. 

“Moony you fold your socks, I think you’re good,” He smirked and Remus laughed. That stupid Sirius Black face. Perfect cheekbones, perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect lips. He could punch him, he could  _ kiss  _ him.  _ Woah, kiss him. That’s not true, why would he think something like that. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song at the beginning is Cardigan by Taylor Swift.
> 
> I am open to constructive criticism. so please leave any notes you might have, I am always looking for ways to better my work I'm just a high school student and by no means professional.
> 
> I also don't have a current upload schedule, but I will upload as often as possible and will notify you when I get a schedule together


	2. September 1975- Loony Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Altercation in defense against the dark arts class.

The water was crystal clear and rushed lightly with the current of the little stream. Remus reached his hands into the water and he did not see long, boney, scarred hands. But chubby little ones that dipped into the water and picked up the little creature that was dwelling at the surface. He cupped the frog in his little fingers and held it up to eye level.

“Hello there,” He cooed at the amphibian. Remus was crouching by the little stream in the backyard of his house that laid just inside the woods. 

“Ribbit, ribbit,” He said at the frog and it croaked back at him. Remus giggled.  _ I wonder if mummy will let me keep you as a pet?  _ Remus pondered. 

“Do you want to come home with me?” Remus inquired of the frog, it croaked again. 

“What are you going to name him?” Said another voice Remus did not recognize. 

Remus jumped and looked up across the stream. There was a man crouching across from him. He had long matted hair and sharp blackened nails. His eyes were a dark muddy brown.  _ He looks dirty _ Remus thought but would never say. Mummy and daddy always told him to be kind, so he was. 

“My mummy told me not to talk to strangers,” Remus said, his mother was just inside the house and she would be cross with him if she saw him talking to someone he did not know. 

“Well I’m not a stranger,” The man said and smiled, “I know your father, Lyall.”

“You know my daddy?” Remus asked, he had never met one of daddy’s friends. His mum invited people over for tea quite frequently, but his dad was always at work.

“I wanted to talk to your daddy, actually.” The man said leaning closer across the river, “He said some not so nice things about me at work, did you know that?” Remus shook his head. He was not supposed to ask about what daddy did while he was at work. 

“What did he say?” Remus inquired.

“Let’s just say he wanted to lock me up for a long time.”

“Why? What did you do?” Remus was getting worried now. He didn’t want to talk to a man his daddy thought was bad, his dad always knew what was right, he was very smart. 

“I did nothing, I’m a good person. And I am going to show him that tonight.” He smiled wider showing yellow-stained teeth.

“Remus love, time to come in!” Hope’s voice called from inside the house. Remus got up to go inside.

“Wait.” The man called after him, and Remus froze and turned around, “I wanted to talk to you. What have you got there?” He gestured at the creature that was still in Remus’ little palms. 

Remus smiled at the thought of showing off his new friend. He crouched down again and extended his arms to show the little creature to the man, “I caught a froggy.”

“Isn’t that nice?” He said his pupils began to dilate and he got a hungry look in his eyes, but Remus did not seem to notice. 

“I’m going to ask mummy if I can keep him,” Remus said, retracting his hand and patting the frog on the head, “I reckon she will let me, she’s real nice.” 

“Oh, I bet.” The man twitched his neck as the sun was getting lower and lower through the trees.

“Remus, It’s getting dark hurry along!” Hope’s voice called from the house again. Remus stood up again and this time the man let him.

“I’ve got to go now. It was nice to me you mister-” Remus paused as he turned around, the man was gone. He could only see the full moon that was coming up behind the trees. 

“Mister?” He looked down at his hands and gasped. The frog that he was holding just a moment ago was now lying limp in his palms, “Hey, are you okay?” He crouched down and placed the frog on the grass, “Froggy?”

“Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?”

Remus woke up with a start breathing heavily. His bed sheets wrapped around his legs, eyes darting around in the dark. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He was fifteen not five and he was in his bed at Hogwarts. Not in the backyard of his childhood house. He rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. 

* * *

_ We like dancing and we look divine _

_ You love bands when they're playing hard _

_ You want more and you want it fast _

_ They put you down, they say I'm wrong _

_ You tacky thing, you put them on _

_ “Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress,”  _ The sound of singing came from the bathroom of the Gryffindor 5th years boys dormitory _ , “Rebel rebel, your face is a mess!” _

“Oi! It’s six in the bloody morning!” Peter screamed from his four-poster. 

James and Sirius always got up early to go play quidditch much to Peter and Remus’ dismay because the two quidditch fanatics tend to cause a bit of a racket getting ready as evident by the full concert going on in the shower this morning. Remus although would never admit it he quite liked Sirius’ singing. His voice was smooth like butter and clear, and never pitchy. He was even able to replicate the slight rasp that Bowies had. But, after his nightmare, he had not gotten much sleep, and with the full moon drawing close he became slightly agitated at the padding of James and Sirius around the dorm room. 

“Oh come on now Pete-” James chuckled, playing with his wet hair in the mirror. But Remus didn’t hear what he said next because just then Sirius came out of the shower, hair pushed back and dripping wet. Towel tied around his waist. He sauntered into the dorm room to retrieve his clothes. Remus tried to look like he wasn’t looking. Not in a weird way Sirius is very muscular anyone would stare.

“Moony!” James said he had obviously been trying to get Remus’ attention, but he had not seemed to notice.

“Huh?” Remus said being pulled out of his daze and turning to face James who was standing beside his bed. 

“You alright Moons?” James said looking slightly concerned, “The moon making you feel funny?” 

“Er, yeah I think so,” He said relieved for a good excuse. That was it, the moon was distracting him. Not Sirius.

“Don’t feel well Moony?” Sirius asked, poking his head around the bathroom door.

“I’m  _ fine, _ ” Remus said, getting annoyed by everyone’s eyes on him. 

“Sorry Moony,” James said, “We just know how you get sometimes.” 

“Yeah I know, just go down to the pitch I’m fine,” Remus said.

“Alright see you lot later then,” Sirius said, grabbing his own broom and heading out the dorm with James.

Remus hated when people treated him like an invalid. He wanted to show people that he was just like everyone else. And he worked so hard for it. He spent hours studying in the library, doing extra reading, making sure that he was top of the class every time. But no matter how hard he tried, he would always be kept down. He wanted it so badly more than anyone would ever know. He knew that nobody would be able to see past his condition. It made him want to scream and rip all the pages out of his books. He could be the smartest person in their year, the favorite of every teacher. But as soon as he turned seventeen he would have to sign that stupid registration form. And everyone would know. It wouldn’t matter how smart he was, he would never be looked at the same. He would be hunted down, for something he could not control. 

The fear of being locked away in a cell where he could not escape. When the wolf who is always present lingering just below the surface pacing. Waiting. For the one night to be free and then being deprived of it. Being forced to slam himself against the wall. And every time he woke from a transformation the longing to be free remained. The burning feeling in his chest never truly leaving him. And the wolf would begin its pacing again. Back and forth and back and forth. 

And he kept thinking about this later that day in Defence against the dark arts. The new teacher that year professor  Beaumont. A  tall woman with long shiny blonde hair that reached her waist and icy blue eyes. Remus had heard another boy say that she was part Vila. But this couldn’t be true because Remus didn’t find himself attracted to her at all. But, many of the boys did. It was obnoxious to be sitting in class while his glass mates goggled over professor  Beaumont. 

But today she entered the classroom and all the boys sat up straighter in their seats as usual. She announced that they would be doing partner work with non-verbal spells. As usual James and Sirius edged closer to each other. Professor Beaumont seemed to be expecting this as she held up a hand.   
“No, no,” She laughed lightly, “I will be picking the partners. I think a change in scenery would do everyone well.” She spoke in her light airy tone that Remus hated because he could barely hear her half the time, but the other boys found it endearing. 

Remus looked around the room. DATDA was partnered with Slytherins this year which neither involved were quite happy about. Except for Lily Evans and Severus Snape. 

Professor Beaumont glided over to the chalkboard and flipped it to the other side, revealing all other students' names next to their respected partner. Remus’ eyes scanned the board praying he did not end up with Snape or Mulciber. He found his name and written next to it in professor Beaumont’s neat cursive writing was  _ Mary MacDonald.  _

He wasn’t upset, Remus liked Mary. She had always been kind to him, she actually had a sense of humor, unlike most girls. She had pretty hazelnut skin lightly spect with freckles, deep brown eyes flecked with gold, and she smelt like strawberries. But as of last year, she became quite popular for a different reason. This being her sudden growth spurt that had made Mary a point of attraction for most of the 5th year boys. Which Remus had said was quite immature after hearing Sirius make a rather uncalled-for comment. To which he had just said Remus was a ‘late bloomer’

Remus already knew he was a late bloomer. He had been told that many times by his mother or the other boys. Remus just wished that he would hurry up and bloom already. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so awkward hearing James go on and on about Lily Evans (who was clearly not interested). Or Sirius going on about whatever girl he was going on about that week. Maybe he would be able to participate in the conversation. But he supposed that that was another thing that made him different.

He gathered his things and went over to stand by Mary as professor Beaumont vanished the desks so they would have more room. Mary gave him a wide smile which Remus awkwardly returned. Remus turned to look around at who his friends were partnered up with. He saw Peter talking very animatedly with Dorcus Meadowes. Remus smiled to himself, he knew Peter had a crush on Dorcas. Though he was too shy to talk to her without nudging and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Next, his eyes fell on James who had a stupid grin plastered on his face and was obviously trying to woo his partner who was a very sour-looking Lily Evans. Lastly, his eyes fell on Sirius and his partner. Snape. Neither boy said anything to each other but they were giving each other death glares. Everyone knew about the rivalry and on-going prank war between Marauders and Severus Snape. But, it was clear that professor Beaumont did not. 

“Alright kids,” Professor Beaumont clapped her hands together, “We will be practicing non-verbal spells. Now I want you all to point your wand at your partner as you usually would, proceed with the wand movement, and visualize the spell being performed. For example,” Professor Beaumont smiled and aimed at Marlene Mckinnon, flourished her wand and the class watched as Marlene’s wand flew from her hand and into the hand of professor Beaumont. 

Marlene whose cheeks had flushed red from lack of warning took her wand back from professor Beaumont and went back to her partner Emmeline Vance who did not seem to be paying attention to Marlene or the demonstration. She was rolling one of her light brown bouncy curls around her index finger, hungry eyes on Sirius. Remus glared at Emmeline.

“Alright, kids!” Professor Beaumont called snapping Remus’ eyes away from Sirius, “Wands at the ready.” 

Remus turned back to Mary who was twisting her wand around in her hand expectantly eyeing Remus.

“D’you wanna go first?” Remus asked when Mary said nothing.

“Alright,” She smiled straightening up and pointing her wand at him.

He waited as Mary focused on Remus, her eyes wandering over him.  _ Why was she looking at him like that?  _ He thought. 

“Er,” He said as Mary did not seem like she was going to cast a spell any time soon, “You can go.” 

“I know,” She said and without much warning, Mary flicked her wand at Remus.

It had sort of worked. His wand did leave his hand, but it was clear it did not want to. So in an attempt to stay in Remus’ hand but also obey Mary. The wand came up and smacked Remus hard on the nose. His wand clattered to the floor and Remus grabbed at his nose. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Mary said rushing forwards and taking Remus’ face in her hands.

“I’m fine,” Remus said hurriedly trying to slither out of Mary’s grasp, “Really Mar, it didn’t hurt,” But Mary did not let go.

“You sure?” She said inspecting his face closely.

“Now, what's happening over here?” Professor Beaumont said her flowing robes billowing behind her.

“It's nothing, I’m fine,” Remus said, finally getting his face out of Mary’s hands, now painfully aware that the whole class was looking at him. Even more, so that he could hear Snape snickering behind him. 

“I don’t think I did the spell right professor and I hit Remus in the nose,” Mary said, her hands no longer on his face but she had not stepped back.

_ Why is Mary acting so weird now?  _ Remus thought. Mary had always been a cool person to talk and joke with when he was sick of the marauders’ antics. He liked her loud nature and lack of filter that made him crack up on multiple occasions. Everyone was changing now and he was being left behind, again.

“Are you alright doll?” Professor Beaumont asked Remus.

“Yes,” he said firmer than he meant to but professor Beaumont did not comment on it. She just smiled and walked away as the class resumed where they had left off.

_ It's the moon, that's all.  _ Remus concluded. That's what was making him tense and impatient.  _ Mary wasn’t acting funny. His own paranoid brain was just making up stories like it loved doing.  _ He would just have to control his feelings and focus on getting the wand out of Mary’s hand now. But it was hard to concentrate when he could hear a certain Slytherin muttering behind him. He tried to ignore Snape. 

He hated the final days leading up to the full moon. His blood would boil and his bones would ache, and Remus knew he was a right pain in the arse to be around. But he couldn’t help it as the wolf rose closer and closer to the surface. 

“Shut it, Snivillous,” Sirius hissed as he for the third time made Snape drop his own wand. 

“Oh yeah, Black I forgot the little halfbreed is your pet project.” Snape sneered just low enough for Remus to overhear but not professor Beaumont. 

“You watch your mouth,” Sirius said now raising his wand more menacingly, still holding Severus’ tightly in his hand.

“Oh no,” Snape cackled, “He's more like charity work helping a nutter like him. Isn’t it  _ Loony Lupin!”  _

_ That was it.  _ Remus flicked his wand aggressively at Mary and her wand shot out of her hand, hit the ceiling of the classroom, and came tumbling back down. But nobody was watching that because at that same moment Sirius had cast an engorgement charm on Snape. More specifically his nose which now was growing at an alarming rate. Snape, desperate to retrieve his wand from Sirius attempted to tackle him but Sirius' quidditch training made him much quicker and faster and he took Snape down instead.

“Boys!” Professor Beaumont yelled and everyone in the classroom froze, “You were supposed to be using disarming spells only!” Her voice was stern as she stared down at the two teenagers, “What would make you so inclined to violence?” She inquired.

“Black started it!”

“He was talking bad about Remus!” The two boys spoke at once.

“You should never need to resort to muggle dueling in my classroom. ten points from each of you and detention.” She crossed her arms and sighed, “Would someone walk Severus down to the hospital wing,” She gestured at Snape’s still growing nose that he was trying to conceal with his hands. Snape looked at Lily but she did not step forward staying rooted to her spot besides James. Mulciber then got up and hauled Snape up by his elbows. 

Even after being tossed around like he just had been. Sirius still looked perfect. His hair fell messily into his eyes, his cheeks slightly flushed, eyes blazing. _Sirius had done that for him._ _He hexed Snape and tackled him just for Remus._ He felt his stomach do an odd little flip. Remus would think about this moment a lot. Bloody brave perfect Sirius Black. It wasn’t fair.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Sirius is singing at the beginning is Rebel Rebel by David Bowie (I've read all the young dudes by Mskingbean89 so it's like engraved in my mind that the marauders love Bowie) 
> 
> Also, the dream scene is my interpretation of how Remus got bit by Grayback (It cuts off at a bit of a funny place. I did that for dramatic effect).
> 
> Still know upload schedule. I'll inform you when I get my shit together. ;)


	3. September 1975- Not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW- drug use (smoking) 
> 
> Moony's first full moon of the new school year. And the marauders have a surprise.

_ Too late, my time has come _

_ Sends shivers down my spine _

_ Body's aching all the time _

_ Goodbye everybody, I've got to go _

_ Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth _

_ Mama, ooh  _

_ I don't wanna die _

_ I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all _

September 20th, 1975

Remus tossed and turned. He did not know what time it was, but it had to be past midnight. He could feel the pull of the almost full moon high in the night sky. It made him restless. He couldn’t bear it anymore, his blood was boiling and pulsing through his veins. 

He stood up and opened his bed curtains. The bright moonlight hit his face and he winced bringing up a hand to shield his eyes. He went to the bathroom across the dorm. His reflection in the mirror haggard and gaunt. He turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on his face trying to calm himself enough to go to sleep. 

“Hiya Moony,” Came a soft voice from the doorway. 

Remus jumped and whirled around. Sirius Black was leaning against the doorway, gentle moonlight illuminating his pale skin so that he looked like he had been carved from stone. His eyes crystal blue like the ocean and were shaded with full dark lashes. He had hair black as night which curved around his face elegantly, hiding the cheekbones that were sharp enough to cut glass. He was wearing a pair of grey pajama bottoms. And no shirt. Remus didn’t look though, that would be rude. 

“Hullo,” He said back.

“Whatchu doin?” He pressed on.

“Can’t sleep s’all, you know.”  _ And oh did they know,  _ he thought. 

One night in the first year before Remus had not yet become accustomed to living with three other people who weren’t his mother or the doctor. Feeling restless before the full moon the next night he had punched Sirius square in the nose. It bled, a lot. He was really sorry of course he didn’t say it. Remus had been the hard quiet type back then and he still sort of was. And obviously, he couldn’t tell them why he was feeling extra angry that particular night for they did not know of his condition. And he didn’t think he’d ever have to tell them, but one day in second year they had cornered them and just asked  _ and what could he do, say no?  _ They were very understanding much to Remus’ surprise. From what his mother had said he would be hunted and killed and have his teeth pulled out and sold on the black market. He shivered. But no, they became even fonder of Remus giving him the dreadful nickname of ‘Moony’. Although it had kind of grown on him since then.

“Yeah,” Sirius paused and dug around in his pajama pocket and pulled out a small box, and shook it. Remus sighed and reached out to pull the pre-rolled fag out of the box. Remus was the one who got Sirius into smoking. He’d offered it to James and Peter but they said no. Sirius would have said no if he wasn’t trying to piss off his mother. 

Remus had found the pack of cigarettes in some drawer in his house last summer. Sirius immediately wanted to try and now it was just something they did. Smoke together. One would take out a pack, hold it out to the other and they would get the picture. Remus liked smoking. He did it at first to look tough in front of the other boys. But now it was for something else. What he did not know. Was it the warm feeling of smoke filling his lungs? The burning end getting closer and closer burning his fingers? Or was it Sirius? 

They stood for a while in silence, letting the smoke flow out the window covering the moon. Finally, Sirius spoke leaning forwards to stub out the cigarette face so close to his ear, “You don’t have to worry anymore Moony, you won’t have to be alone much longer.” All the little hairs on the back of Remus’ neck stood up as Sirius’ breath brushed his neck. He left Remus standing there in the bathroom wondering what the bloody hell that meant.  _ You won’t have to be alone much longer. _

***

After dinner, Remus headed off for the hospital wing. The marauders each saying goodbye, or good luck, or something along those lines. He made his way up the familiar path to the hospital wing and was greeted by Madam Pomfrey.

“Right on time as usual,” She said promptly, “Are you ready, dear?”

He nodded and the two made their way out of the castle and onto the grounds. As they approached the frantically flailing tree. Remus got that familiar feeling of dread that just never went away no matter how many moons had passed. He supposed that was something that would always stay with him. The pair descended down the path to the all too familiar shack. Walls scratched and dirty, broken windows boarded up with planks, the floor creaking obnoxiously as he walked. He sat down on the ripped mattress in the corner of the small house.

“Alright, everything as usual, I’ll be back to get you in the morning, emergency medical supplies are under those floorboards.”

“Yes,” Remus said Madam Pomfrey gave the same speech the first night of every new school year and it was getting redundant. But she gave him a quick hug on her way out which Remus returned. 

Soon after she left it began. He felt his temperature rise. And his skin felt itchy and tight and he just wanted to rip it off. The wolf was getting closer to the surface. Rearing its ugly head. His joints ached and popped. His spine elongated, cracking unpleasantly. He was no longer himself as the wolf burst through the surface. Remus screamed, or did the wolf? He couldn’t tell because the two voices ran together into one long excruciating cry. And then it was the wolf and not Remus.

Remus never remembered turning back into a human but it must have to be just as bad for he ached all over and his head throbbed so hard he could barely see. But, tonight was much worse, he did not know what was wrong. It hurt so badly, tears fell from his eyes. And he did not remember anymore.

He came round in the familiar white room. Nestled in the bed at the very end of the ward away from the other students. He opened his eyes a crack vision blurry. He could feel a cool towel resting on his forehead. His midsection felt stiff with bandages. He gingerly pressed an also bandaged hand to his ribs. They did not hurt but still felt sore and tingly from the healing spells. 

“Hello, dear,” Madam Pomfrey spoke softly pushing back the curtains, “Didn’t expect you up until sunset. Now how are we feeling?” She spoke the way she did after a particularly bad night, very quiet which Remus was grateful for because his head was pounding. She replaced the cold towel back on his forehead and gave him a strong dose of pain medication. And he tried to sleep.

“Your friends came around earlier, but you were asleep. I reckon they will be back soon they seemed very set on seeing you today.” 

And so Remus lay there aching and feverish, wondering why. Sirius’ words from last night came to his mind.  _ You won’t have to be alone much longer.  _ He didn’t know how to decipher this but it was the only thing that had been occupying his mind. He couldn’t stop imagining Sirius. Just Sirius. He was delusional. He needed to go to sleep. 

Madam Pomfrey let him get around noon the next day with the promise that he would go to the dorm and rest. And he did so, though he liked the hospital wing he always felt more at home in the comfort of his four-poster. He slept with the curtains open to let some natural light in. The marauders wouldn’t be around until later. So he drifted off to sleep again still tired curled up under the blankets, wrapped in a large jumper, feeling warm.

“No don’t wake him up, he’s sleeping,” There were voices above him Remus did not open his eyes still feeling heavy with sleep.

“Come on James, he’ll want to hear this!” Said another voice. Remus stirred.

“Shh, let him sleep he looks tired, Sirius.” 

“He always looks tired. I- Hiya Moony,” Sirius said voice softening suddenly at seeing Remus blink up at them and rub his eyes. 

“How do you feel, didn’t get cut up too bad did you?” James said plopping himself down at the foot of his bed. Sirius and Peter standing by the top. 

“Broken ribs and a new scar on my stomach, but I’m alright, you know me.” He forced a half-hearted smile and the other boys did not smile back. James played with the end of Remus’ duvet, Peter was looking down at the floor biting his nails. But Sirius was looking right at Remus. 

“Moony, so we were thinking well we’ve been thinking for a while,” James stuttered through his words still not looking up at Remus, “Well we thought there must be something to do and. We just wanted to help, and well, I-” 

Sirius cut him off, “Moons don’t be mad, we’ve become animagi.” 

Remus sat up quickly looking around at the three boys as if willing one of them to turn around and say it was all a joke. Another prank. But they were all looking at Remus now eyes full of concern and anticipation. Willing Remus to respond telepathically. He didn’t know what to say he was shocked, he felt like he couldn’t talk.  _ How could they do something like this without telling me?  _

“You’re having me on,” This was all he could say. His mouth felt dry and his voice shook.

“Remus, I know but just… watch!” Sirius said, stepping forward and promptly turned into a great black dog. Remus clamped a hand to his mouth.  _ They really bloody did it. The idiots!  _ Suddenly James and Peter both changed into their animagus form. James a large elegant stag whose antlers brushed the ceiling. And Peter a fat brown rat. Remus would have laughed at Peter if it weren’t for the magnitude of the situation. 

“I- It’s so dangerous,” Then it dawned on Remus, “You lot could die because of me!” Remus said his voice rising he felt dizzy like the walls were closing in. He tried desperately to regulate his breathing. 

“No, no Moony it’s fine honest,” James said, transforming back into him and moving to sit next to Remus on the bed, “We’ve done loads of reading. You won’t try to hurt us if we’re not humans.”

“You won’t have to be alone much longer,” Sirus repeated the same words he had said the other night in the bathroom. 

He looked at the three boys. His best friends. The people he had grown up with. They were ready to risk their lives and safety to help him. All the hard work they had done. So he would never have to be alone again. He felt Sirius’ words settle deep in his chest somewhere. And he truly believed it. He could never be alone, as long as he had the marauders. And he would forever. He smiled and saw the ground blur as hot tears formed in his eyes which he hastily whipped. 

“Thank you, so much,” He looked up to see three smiling faces grinning back at him, “I can’t even tell you.”

The three boys doggies piled on top of Remus knocking him back onto the bed. Laughing, despite himself, Remus tried to squirm out from under them. But he was really happier than they had been in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the beginning is Bohemian Rapsody by Queen 
> 
> Also, this is going to be a pretty long fic (not like atyd or anything) so It couldn't possibly be up all at once. But I'll do the best I can ;)

**Author's Note:**

> the song at the beginning is Cardigan by Taylor Swift.
> 
> I am open to constructive criticism. so please leave any notes you might have, I am always looking for ways to better my work I'm just a high school student and by no means professional. 
> 
> I also don't have a current upload schedule, but I will upload as often as possible and will notify you when I get a schedule together


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